Ah, the thrift shop. It’s the sticky, mildly-to-moderately grimy, questionable-fashion-choices beacon of savings for the budget-conscious, hipsters, and Macklemore lovers alike. With thrift store interest at an all-time high, there’s even a day set aside to celebrate bargain bin shopping: August 17th.
To pay homage to this sacred secondhand shopping day, we set up a challenge for five thrift-loving Leafly employees who were more than eager to blow off work and dig through some sweet thrift store finds. Naturally, this being Leafly, we introduced a bit of a canna-friendly twist: would our veteran thrifters be able to unearth some gently used gems while moderately to severely high?
The rules of game were simple: smoke a joint, receive $25, and purchase whatever strikes your fancy within a 30 minute timeframe. Items would be paraded through the office, a winner would be crowned, friendships would be broken, and much Purell would be used. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Leafly 2016 Thrift Shop Challenge.
Step 1: Get Joints and Buddy Up
You get a pre-roll! And you get a pre-roll! Everybody gets a pre-rollllllll!
Our five volunteer shoppers were:
- Philip, Software Engineer
- Brett, Associate Editor
- Jordan, Account Executive
- Bailey, Editor
- Matt, Finance
Each shopper was assigned a chaperone, or “accountabilibuddy,” whose job was to hold onto the shopper’s money and provide time updates. Accountabilibuddies were instructed not to provide feedback on their partners’ items, as we wanted to take full advantage of the thrifters’ terrible decision-making.
Because we wanted each shopper’s state of mind to be significantly altered, we purchased five GG (f.k.a Gorilla Glue) pre-rolls from Herbs House that weighed in at nearly a gram apiece.
Budtender Charlie giving pre-roll recommendations (and rocking a GDP Leafly tee).
A bonus $5 was awarded to whoever was able to finish his or her pre-roll first, and the honor went to Brett, our associate editor who could easily medal in Joint Smoking if it were an Olympic event.
Accountabilibuddy observation:
“My buddy couldn’t finish his pre-roll and shared it with me. Who’s accountable for who now?”
Once everyone was feeling the potent effects of their joints, we headed to a nearby Goodwill to commence our shopping blitz.
Step 2: Stretch and Synchronize
You gotta limber up before thrifting (left to right: Matt, Jordan, Philip, Bailey, Brett).
After performing some warmup stretches, each shopper’s accountabilibuddy synchronized their phones for accurate timekeeping.
Note the stoned shoppers sans phones who put their hands in because they were confused.
With a “3, 2, 1, goooooooooo,” accountabilibuddies started their 30 minute timers and the Thrift Store Challenge was underway.
Step 3: Shop in Stoned Silence
Get out of our way, there’s much thrifting to do!
Our thrifters ranged from a 6-9 on the “How High are You on a Scale of 1-10” ranking, so most of the shopping was done in amusing silence as each person struggled to navigate through the cavernous store.
Shop highly rated dispensaries near you
Showing you dispensaries nearAccountabilibuddy observation:
“How’s Matt doing?”
“He’s been holding a thermos and staring at it for five minutes.”
Clearly Brett gives a hoot about this ceramic find.
Overheard shopper exclamation:
“What the fuck is this? It’s so dumb. I’m gonna get it!”
Bailey tows potential items for purchase while miraculously avoiding destroying the entire aisle of breakables.
Stray observations:
- Brett found a wooden train whistle and blew on it to coax out its signature “woo woooooo” noise, upon which three of us, including a disgusted passerby, pointed out that she just put her mouth on a used Goodwill item. Her response: “I forgot! I’m too high for this!”
- Bailey dragged a $20 Star Wars kite through the store for 22 minutes before making her accountabilibuddy put it away.
- Jordan abandoned half a cart full of items with eight minutes left on the clock.
- Several items were nearly broken/knocked off shelves due to a persistent lack of spatial awareness.
- Brett was obsessed with finding a blanket. She found a tapestry she really liked, but when she held it up she realized it was actually a mumu.
- Philip’s accountabilibuddy informed me that he finished with 11:35 to spare, but noted that Phil insisted his buddy do all the talking at the register because his mouth was too dry to speak.
Philip purchasing his items with the help of his accountabilibuddy, cuz dry mouth.
Step 4: Judge the Purchases
Hmm, which item will win more votes?
Back at the office, each shopper’s items were photographed and labeled 1-5 to prevent any biased voting from coworkers. Employees were encouraged to vote for their favorite purchase so we could crown a Stoned Thrift Store Champion.
Brett’s Items
Brett’s thrift store finds.
High Scale (1-10): 6
Amount Given: $30 (including a bonus $5 for finishing her joint first)
Total Spend: $29.56 ($0.44 under budget)
Time Spent Shopping: 30 minutes
Items Purchased:
- Bongo drum
- Stash box adorned with the sun, moon, and stars
- Brown furry throw of questionable cleanliness
Purchase Justification:
“I was inspired to get stuff to create a cozy blanket smoking fort (complete with bongo drum, a must-have addition I decided on as soon as I spotted the drum at Goodwill, haha). I chose a cozy blanket that reminded me of a bearskin rug, and my awesome bongo, and a cool stash box/treasure chest for all my weeeeeed.”
Voter Feedback: “Are you Matthew McConaughey?”
Number of Votes: 13
Philip’s Items
Philip’s thrift store finds.
High Scale (1-10): 8-9
Amount Given: $25
Total Spend: $24.10 ($0.90 under budget)
Time Spent Shopping: About 15 minutes
Items Purchased:
- The perfect donut maker
- Baboon beanie baby
- Lizard beanie baby
- Pruning shears with wrist strap
- Jin Rong Hua tiger CD case
- Hologram Jesus address book
- Glass frame 5×7 Gold Strike casino resort with shattered corner
Purchase Justification:
“The perfect donut maker seemed like a great thing to buy at a thrift shop. Just like the original owner, I will also probably use it exactly once before donating it back — the circle of life, really. I got the baboon and lizards because they were in an extremely sexual position when I found them [editor’s note: we “unmounted” them for the photo — sorry, readers]. Pruning shears might be good for trimming buds.
The tiger CD case spoke to me. The hologram Jesus book also spoke to me — it’s a hologram Jesus book, for Christ’s sake. I picked the glass casino resort frame because it looks clearly stolen, like it was ripped off a wall. It does not look like something you’d find in the souvenir gift shop. All I remember is that my dry mouth was pushing me to finish faster.”
Voter Feedback: “Oh shit, a donut maker?! Let’s put that bad boy to work!”
Number of Votes: 5
Jordan’s Items
Jordan’s thrift store finds.
High Scale (1-10): 8
Amount Given: $25
Total Spend: $24.89 ($0.11 under budget)
Time Spent Shopping: 30 minutes
Items Purchased:
- Kitty litter scooper
- Plastic sword
- Pet dish
- Elmo plush doll
- Gambling-themed pet leash
- Extremely grimy plastic giraffe
- Plastic Pluto bank
- Goofy plush doll that may or may not be holding a bong
Purchase Justification:
“Goofy is walking his dog (Pluto, who of course brings his food bowl with him on the walk) while riding on a giraffe. While he’s doing that, he’s trying to behead Elmo with the sword.
…The pooper scooper was for me personally, lol.”
Voter Feedback: “Is that a Jamaican chalice in Goofy’s hand?”
Number of Votes: 4
Bailey’s Items
Bailey’s thrift store finds.
High Scale (1-10): 7
Amount Given: $25
Total Spend: $22.07 ($2.93 under budget)
Time Spent Shopping: 30 minutes
Items Purchased:
- VHS copy of What Women Want
- Seal Wolf in Too Deep romance novel
- Shot glass featuring an upside-down man mooning us
- Cheerleader bobble head picture frame
- Peter Allen and Reilly & Maloney record albums
- Grimace drinking glass
- Angel and two children picture frame
- Random collage photo frame
- How Steve Sees It
- Wizard with a broken head
Purchase Justification:
“I legitimately have no memory of putting What Women Want into my basket. For the romance novel, who doesn’t love abs greased up in baby oil? And that title drips with literary genius. The writer in me chose this gem. The shot glass was because butts. I chose the bobble head because I miss the bobble head craze. The drinking glass was a must-have because Grimace looks like a big purple nug. For the angel and two children picture frame…I have no idea.
The collage photo frame spoke to me because they weren’t stock photos. This girl literally donated her personal memories to Goodwill. I feel like most people would remove their photos beforehand, but shout-out to this girl for saying, ‘fuck it.’ Full disclosure on the Peter Allen record: his seductive pose won my stoned heart. As for the Reilly & Maloney record, something about their eyes and foreheads inspired me.
With ‘How Steve Sees It’, it’s the mystery that got me. Who is Steve? Why did he print himself out holding a toy globe? Was this the first slide of his powerpoint? How does Steve see it? SO MANY QUESTIONS. SO MUCH INTRIGUE.
Lastly, I bought the broken wizard because Goodwill was charging $2.99 for this shitty broken figurine, and that’s sorta funny.”
Voter Feedback: “Presented by the ‘Forever Alone’ collection.”
Number of Votes: 17
Matt’s Items
Matt’s thrift store finds.
High Scale (1-10): 8
Amount Given: $25
Total Spend: $15.60 ($9.40 under budget, unsurprising for the dude from Finance)
Time Spent Shopping: About 20 minutes
Items Purchased:
- Kenny Loggins “High Adventure” record
- Growums pizza garden kit (basil, oregano, pepper, tomato seeds)
- The Garfield fat cat 3-pack book
- Plastic Jurassic Park thermos
- Squirrel underpants
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince book, UK edition
- Spam-themed crazy eights card game
Purchase Justification:
“The ‘High Adventure’ described this Goodwill trip pretty well. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have ‘Danger Zone’ on it, so it’s a pretty fruitless album (sorry, Kenny). It’s a bit late in the season for starting this pizza garden kit, but the marketing of this item caught my eye. Garfield and I both love lasagna. Also it’s a great book to glance through. For the thermos, I thought, ‘Great movie! This will keep my drinks cold/warm!’
As for squirrel underpants, who would buy this, let alone buy this secondhand? No comment on the Spam-themed card game. Not sure what happened there.
I needed the Harry Potter book for my own personal collection. It’s the UK cover version.”
Voter Feedback: “Kenny Loggins is the real Half-Blood Prince.”
Number of Votes: 20
And the Winner Is…
He never veered into the Danger Zone, which ultimately made the difference for this Stoned Thrifting Champion
Barely edging out the competition, Matt from Finance won the 2016 Leafly Thrift Shop Challenge with a total of 20 votes for his squirrel skivvies, dino thermos, Garfield comics, and other assorted delights, proving he did indeed have the ultimate “High Adventure.” Bailey’s disturbing melange of personal photos, broken tchotchkies, and creepy album covers came in a close second, presumably because the Leafly office is dying to know how Steve sees it.
Congratulations to Matt, who won bragging rights and a much coveted UK version of the sixth Harry Potter book. When it comes to thrifting while stoned, yer a wizard, Matty.
