It’s Oscars season, and that only means one thing: taking a look at each 2017 Best Picture nominee and answering if each film is worth the high. Also, just like last year, I’ll determine which character in each film needed cannabis the most. Let’s get to it.
The Post
Is It Worth the High?
Eh, I’d rather get high and watch something else. This is definitely not worth the high. Like…it’s cool, but that’s it. It’s one of those movies you wouldn’t mind watching on TNT while bored during a snow day, but going to the theater isn’t worth it at all. Tom Hanks has been on a string of really good yet really regular movies lately, and not even Queen Meryl could change that. Save your money and your bud and go see something else.
Which Character Needed Cannabis the Most?
Katherine Graham, owner of the Washington Post. Running a newspaper is hard enough, but imagine being the first female publisher of a newspaper that’s constantly getting its ass kicked by the New York Times. Now imagine all of that topped with a scandal and war with the federal government over the Pentagon Papers. Everything I just said spells out nothing but stress, so Kat definitely needed some THC relaxation.
Lady Bird
Is It Worth the High?
YESSSSSSSSS. LADY BIRD IS SOOOO GOOD. It’s funny, it’s touching, it’s a beautiful look into the life of a young woman who aspires for something greater than what her surroundings can deliver at this stage of her life. Getting high and going on this journey with her is incredibly worth your time and high. Though I think Get Out is my Best Picture champion, Lady Bird was my favorite watching experience.
Which Character Needed Cannabis the Most?
Marion McPherson. Dog, could Lady Bird’s mom be any more frustrating? My god. Someone get her a couple dabs so she can melt her brain and chill out a little bit. She was the most high-strung character out of any character in any movie on this list, and Dunkirk’s whole cast was literally just sitting and waiting for bombs to be dropped on their faces. Lady Bird’s mom needs to see a doctor immediately and discuss which strain or cannabis products could help with her stress, anxiety, and mood. Sheesh.
Get Out
Is It Worth the High?
Absolutely. It was the most original and had the biggest cultural impact of anything up for the award. Get Out was scary, funny, engaging, educational, and overall the most complete movie of the year, in my opinion. It’s an instant classic, and because of it we’ll be using the term “The Sunken Place” for the rest of eternity. So yes, it’s definitely worth the high.
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Jeremy Armitage (Allison Williams’ character’s brother). This kid was way too high-strung and spazzy. He immediately came through and wanted to put Chris through the NFL combine, and it’s like bro, can you sit back and relax? Had Jeremy had a solo joint session, he would’ve had the time to sit back and realize how ridiculous his obsession with black athletes was.
Dunkirk
Is It Worth the High?
It is and it isn’t. It’s a good movie, but with Darkest Hour being so relative to Dunkirk, I feel like you’re good watching one or the other. And if it were up to me, I’d go Darkest Hour over Dunkirk.
Which Character Needed Cannabis the Most?
Every last one of them. These characters were sitting ducks without any clue if they’d survive to see the next second. And even with them being saved in the end, they’ll all have PTSD for the rest of their lives, so cannabis should be part of their system (this article/video by Bailey Rahn is the reason why).
Darkest Hour
Is It Worth the High?
Hell yeah. It’s really good. It’s one of those movies with a noir feel that keeps you engaged because the acting is so good that you really believe you’re witnessing the story the way it really played out in history. I only watched it because of obligation, but I was fairly pleased with it.
Which Character Needed Cannabis the Most?
Neville Chamberlain. He had cancer. Enough said.
The Shape of Water
Is It Worth the High?
Son, this movie was fire. It was strange at times, but it was definitely fire. The main character being mute added an element that I’ve never seen in a film, and the directing was incredibly great, too (shoutout to Guillermo Del Toro).
Which Character Needed Cannabis the Most?
Zelda Fuller. Olivia Spencer’s character is just a black woman trying to make it in a hostile work environment. All she wants to do is clock in, clean up, and go home to her dumbass husband. But she can’t because Eliza wants to fall in love with the scientist alien from Hellboy and shit. And then Strickland wants to pop up her doorstep and punk her husband in her home? She definitely needs some cannabis in her life just so she can get super high and slide into autopilot for the rest of her days.
Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri
Is It Worth the High?
This is probably the most debated movie out of the list of Best Picture nominees. I liked it, but it’s definitely one of those movies whose premise was better than the execution. It keeps you engaged and ready for a big moment that simply never comes. The last scene of the movie…like…it just ends. It’s a scene that you think will lead to some resolution, and the next thing you know you’re watching the credits roll. So honestly, it probably isn’t worth your cannabis if your other options are everything else on this list.
Which Character Needed Cannabis the Most?
Red Welby. The man got thrown out of a window and broke his legs and body. So you know he’s in an incredible amount of pain, and hospitals usually prescribe an abundant amount of pain pills that lead to crippling addictions. Instead, get Red Welby some high-CBD strains and let his pain be treated with a safer and more natural option. Red Welby is a prime example of a should-be medical marijuana patient.
Phantom Thread
Is It Worth the High?
ABSOLUTELY. IT IS PHENOMENAL. It’s one of those movies that if you clapped in the theater, I wouldn’t even think, “Wow, this person is the worst. I hate them.” The story of an obsessive dressmaker who treats everyone around him like shit until he falls in love with a woman who’s simply too much for him? Give it to me. Daniel-Day Lewis is amaaaazing in this.
Which Character Needed Cannabis the Most?
Cyril Woodcock. She’s the only character in the entire film that HAS to stick by Woodcock’s side as his sister. But that doesn’t make the job/life any less stressful; you could tell she was totally fed up with his shit after putting in the kind of hours it took to be his sidekick. Cyril might benefit from a nightly pre-roll—it’d make sitting through Reynolds’ BS a lot easier.
Call Me By Your Name
Is It Worth the High?
Yeah, it’s a good one. Call Me By Your Name is one of the most beautifully shot movies I’ve seen in a minute. It can get a bit stale at times, but the ending makes it worth everything. For sure get high and see this.
Which Character Needed Cannabis the Most?
Elio. That fireplace scene at the end of the movie? MAN. That young boy was completely heartbroken, and getting stoned would be the perfect distraction for him. I suggest a heavy indica so he can just pass right out afterward.
