Gratuitous or Genius? Penis cannabis gummies hit dispensaries in Canada

In Canada, laws limit cannabis-infused gummies and most other edibles to shapeless blobs. To keep edibles unappealing to children, many brands in the industry have valiantly defaulted to squares and circles for their infusions.

But for the first time in (legal) Canadian cannabis history, you can now officially eat a dick. A banana or cola-flavoured, weed-infused, phallus-shaped edible, to be specific.

This week, brand Censored Edibles™ takes the old adage “eat a dick” seriously with the release of their banana and cola penises to limited cannabis retailers in Canada. The cheekiness alone will undoubtedly grab consumers’ attention.

Since national laws already restrict cannabis products by age, no one under 18 can see these cheeky treats, let alone buy them. It now seems safe to make adults-only shapes like penises, boobs, and other assets you’d typically only see at bachelor/rette parties. 

This particular edibles evolution feels pretty natural, in my opinion. We can all find something poetic about the government saying it’s totally fine to buy soft chews that resemble human body parts while simultaneously rejecting the notion of fruit or animal shapes. (Didn’t we just go through this with those Mike Tyson ear edibles?)

Confessions of a (not) gummy penis virgin

Some people may clutch their pearls when they hear of products like these, but cannabis brands have a history of infusing weed into a penis mould. While being first-to-legal-market is an accomplishment, let’s pay homage to those who came before us. 

I, for one, want a cannabis industry that embraces what it can do, not just what it can’t. We are all adults here, and we should benefit from this age-restricted industry. 

From the editor

I’ve seen a gummy phallus in real life before at my first cannabis conference in Toronto, where I was gifted a bag of dicks: brightly coloured penis-shaped edibles with 10 mg of THC each carefully crafted by someone in the unregulated market.

In addition to giggling like a schoolgirl, I remember loving this hybrid of adult novelty and cannabis. As a woman in her ’30s, I have attended a multitude of bachelorette parties with regular lollipops, gummies, chocolate, cake, and edible shot glasses made to look like genitals of all shapes and sizes. 

These “adults-only” styles of products seem like a natural fit for the legal cannabis industry, which has a reputation for taking itself too seriously. 

Weed doesn’t always have to be so serious

Sarah Kulbatski, the cofounder of Censored Edibles, says her inspiration for this product is a “pre-legalization love of cannabis paired with a dirty mind.” She joins me over video call with an infectious laugh, a big personality, and a diamond-encrusted gold sperm around her neck.

“Sex and cannabis have been together for like decades…hundreds of years, right? It’s an adult sector. It’s age-gated. You cannot have children step foot into any of the stores,” Kulbatski tells Leafly. “So why not allow an adult product made by adults for an adult sector?” 

In partnership with Loosh Brands, the penis edibles hit retail shelves in stores and online this week in Ontario. The banana and cola gummies will come in packs of four, with 2.5 mg of THC each. This way, you can eat them all for the full 10 mg THC effects or enjoy what a dear friend of mine calls “a weeknight dick,” meaning a smaller dose for those with lower cannabinoid needs.

In addition to her dirty mind, Kulbatski’s savvy entrepreneur sense saw a gap in the current legal offerings and seized it. “We can’t do bears, we can’t do pumpkin, we can’t do XYZ, because it might trigger the kids. So they’ve literally pushed us into that corner where you can’t do much. If it’s an adult sector, then I should be able to come out with an adult-shaped gummy. So I did.”

Banana-glazed or cola? This editor tried them both

Let me tell you it was difficult to get my hands on these dicks! I scoured stores for weeks and my city finally got its shipment last night. The first thing I noticed, aside from the obvious, is the texture. They have a decent, chewy, gummy texture; something that isn’t guaranteed with cannabis edibles in Canada.

They also paid close attention to the shapes, I mean, if you are doing a dick do it right. I was expecting a squished semi-phallus-like edible but what I got were clearly formed quality-controlled perfect little penises.

The flavours were solid. I’ve never been keen on that artificial banana flavour but it was right on the nose. The cola flavour reminded me of those soda bottle candies, without the zing. I would have bought these for the novelty alone but overall this is a pretty decent edible.

These naughty gummies offer something that consumers have never seen before and it’s about time. I, for one, want a cannabis industry that embraces what it can do, not just what it can’t. We are all adults here, and we should benefit from this age-restricted industry. 

Sure, sometimes navigating the cannabis age gates sucks. I’m sick of explaining the age restrictions of my work due to cannabis law, not some salacious NSFW reason. But since we’re stuck with it, why not also embrace the positives that come with that 19+ life? Like the pleasure of eating a (banana) dick infused with weed.